I really need help with my life?

It can be therapeutic to put things in writing just as it is to talk to someone.I do understand how you feel and how easy it is to get in this kind of rut.I had similar problems and no family living near me for support.You are half way there as you realise that you have a problem,that is half the battle.You must be honest with your nurse etc,otherwise they wont be able to give you the proper help you need.It is never too late to change for the better.You could try talking to your doc or nurse again,tell them how you feel and explain you dont think your medication is helping,it may be worth exploring other avenues of support also,find out if there are any organisations offering support for people who feel like you.Try your best,take each day at a time and dont be embarresed or ashamed as there is plenty of people out there who feel the same way you do.There is still time to change,you can do it.Good Luck